Today started off so well! Went to work, had a tuna sandwich for lunch, got a few grumpy customers on the phone but nothing I couldn’t handle. Everything went downhill from there. Called into the petrol station on the way home in my little 2000 plate vauxhall corsa and topped up with £15 worth of petrol. Walked up to the counter to pay and put my debit card in the machine. beep DECLINED!
“Oh shit!” I thought, knowing I was already £400 past a £1000 overdraft. “Can I try again?” Beep! Beep! DECLINED!
Shit shit shit!! The petrol is already in my car!! “I’m so sorry I don’t know why it’s not working, I definitely have enough money in!” I lied to the cashier, who I think was almost as embarrassed as me.
I went to the cash machine outside, the one I usually avoid because it charges me £1.49 to access my own money! You have insufficient funds in your account it boldly informed me.
I phoned my dad in the hope that he would swoop in like the knight in shining armour he is and pay my £15 bill….but then I remembered that my parents were at the dentist, a good 40 minute drive away. I phoned my partner, who reminded me that his debit card had snapped and he’d had to send off for a new one only a day earlier.
I don’t have any credit cards because of debts that I’ve run up on them in the past. How the hell am I going to pay?!
I phoned my bank and pleaded with the operator to authorise the payment of £15!! He simply advised that if I deposit funds into my account then the transaction would work. Funds?! Funds?! I have no fucking funds
Again I apologised to the cashier and made up some story about there being a problem with the chip on my card. I lied to save face, although I imagine he probably had a big red flashing sign on his computer screen saying THIS WOMAN HAS INSUFFICIENT FUNDS!
After about 15 minutes of excruciating embarrassment I managed to get through to my mother in law. Hmmmm, only it wasn’t her who answered the phone. She was still at work. It was her mother, Adam’s grandma! I’d actually resorted to asking an 80 year old woman living on a state pension for £15 to pay my petrol bill. Oh the shame!
Worse still was the fact that I had to leave my drivers license and bank card with the cashier while I made the short journey to Adam’s gran’s house! She gave me £15 exactly in change from the bottom of her purse. I apologised profusely and she told me not to worry, but I was worrying. How am I going to buy milk, or bread, or cat food for the next week?! What about my car tax that runs out at the end of the month?!
I can’t help but feel like I’m in a black hole at the moment. My wage no longer even covers my debt, and I’m being charged £300 a month for going past my overdraft, which only puts me further in debt! I would consolidate if I didn’t already have a raft of loans that I can’t afford!
My problem is that when I’m on a high I spend like money grows on trees, with little thought of the consequence. When I’m down I simply can’t face it. And when I’m back to my normal self I’m in such a mess that I don’t even know how to go about sorting out my finances!
I think the worst part of the worst day of my life was the fact that when I got home, my boyfriend wasn’t speaking to me. He said that I promise to sort it out but never do. He said he doesn’t understand why I am the way I am. Then he refused to talk to me. Part of me suspects he thinks I do it on purpose, and that just breaks my heart and fills me with unrelenting guilt…..
So today was the worst day of my life. And it started off so well!!